I understand the whole ‘double life’ statement sounds a little dramatic, and you might have clicked on this post to get a scoop of a juicy story on some sordid affair that I’ve been keeping to myself. I’m sorry if that’s what you wanted to read, as it’s not quite what I’m referring to in this one. I wanted to chat and unload a little bit this week on the feeling of having a double life that I have inside of me. I work a 9-5 in a buying career which I’ve always wanted, and enjoy. And then I come home in the evenings and continue working on my blog in one day or another, and then my weekends are spent scoping out location opportunities and getting those outfit shoots in to fuel the following weeks content. I love my life, but I feel like I’m leading two.
With the nature of blogging ‘on the side’, I often struggle to switch off and justify time away from my phone or laptop, much to the dismay of my boyfriend. I love working on my blog, but because of that, I do feel like I’m balancing a double, or even triple life at times. There’s my career and my 9-5, then there’s my blog which my evenings and weekends revolve around for the most part, and then there’s my personal life. Spending time with Luke, watch films, cook and enjoy cosy nights, whilst also making time for my friends and family. During all of which I feel a teeny bit guilty that I’m not being ‘productive’, which I’m not sure how to let go of.
5pm strikes each day and I jump up and head off home, excited and motivated to get home and work on my blog, one way or another, but doing so provokes an element of guilt within me, as no one else really leaves work at 5pm, and the people that do are kind of judged for it. They obviously aren’t working hard enough, they obviously don’t care about their career as much as those people that choose to stay until 7pm each day. But from my point of view, I work hard from 8:30-17:00, and that’s what I get paid to do. I’m an organised person and work hard strategically to get what I need to do done each day. So why should I have to feel guilty leaving at 5pm to go home and crack on with my actual/ second life? I’m getting better at just focusing on me, but I do still feel a bit like I’m fighting an ongoing battle with the 24hours that we have each day. And to help matters (or not), I’m really not an ‘I’ll sleep when I’m dead’ kinda girl like I wish I could be, I’m more of an ‘I’ll sleep for 9 hours a day or end up crying to myself to sleep at at 3pm’ girl. The struggles. Anyone know how to fix that?
I think most bloggers feel the same in this respect, for me it is pretty much just a hobby still, but even for the big dogs, there was always a time at the beginning that it was just that. When you’re spending your time working away on something after a full day of work each day, with such limited time, it’s easy to feel guilty whenever you stop and actually chill. But I think the key to succeeding with a double life is making sure you do allow that to happen. Otherwise the only option is burnout, and that’s not productive for anyone is it? Here’s to all the other bloggers out there running a double life, may you succeed in working, and playing, hard.